Still tired. Our bio children get up at 6 or 6:30 am no matter what time they go to bed at night …so they can be really fussy or great the next day depending on what time they go to bed. But they are struggling knowing A gets to stay up later….even though he is older. But they have learned when they get up early they have their Dad’s undivided attention (okay, let’s be honest they have to share with the iPad and coffee). I’m not an early riser so this has been hard for me (since they were born, not new for hosting …I LOVE to sleep…Ridge even put on my Mother’s Day card …I hope you get to take a nap today ..talk about knowing what Mom loves). And then “A” we are able to get in bed by 11 or 11:30 pm. He does not want each day to end. Before bedtime we take down our calendar square and place it in his journal with his daily affirmation “A is a kind boy” or “A is a smart boy” …He stares at his calendar a little more now that our time is more than half over. He pushes bedtime a little later. He stretches his affirmations out each night…. he is having a harder time with them. He says “no, Mom” and won’t repeat them. Or won’t repeat them with his name. This breaks my heart. He is a good boy and he is so brave. I wish I knew the words to convince him of this …but not knowing so much about him it is hard. And just when he is about to open up he does something silly and starts laughing and stops sharing. Laughing is his coping mechanism. So he is a joy to be around, but we also want to help him and have him let us love him. So again, I continue to push on. To love. To tell him he is great. To give him hugs. Scratch his back when he is tired. And do all the things that a Mom should be doing for him. Like forcing him to brush his teeth so he keeps that “Million Dollar” smile. And not letting him eat more than one vitamin even though it is “so good Mom, please one more.” No.
This past weekend we went to my inlaws house in North Carolina. They live on a mountain with 60 acres of land. A LOVED it here. Within a few hours of arrival he saw deer, turkey and then a bear. Kid you not. This boy has eagle eyes. Rick and Ridge saw the bear too. A was excited to see the bear but this is also the first time I’ve seen him scared (other than when he first met us). Before bedtime I walked around with him and shut all the doors and windows downstairs so “no bear inside Mom, okay?”. Okay. And our nephews and niece came over with my BIL and SIL. I was really worried about this…. sometimes “A” shuts down with new people. But I worried for nothing …they had a blast. Like old friends. And Jake, one of my nephews, kept borrowing my phone to translate “You are awesome” to A and A kept telling us “I like cousins.” so it was a hit. And what day in the mountains would be complete without smores? Really, I’m asking because I don’t know. A is a fan of the roasted marshmallow …smores, not so much. But he tried. And he loved Nana’s homecooking. He ate 3 pieces of BBQ chicken. He declared it “two thumbs up.”
I’ve noticed I’ve stopped taking out my “big camera” as much. Our days are getting more routine. He is still taking pleasure in new things …like a Happy Meal box or just swinging ….but we are just being. Which is great. And good for all of us. And exactly what he needs. So I have a zillion iPhone pictures. Maybe I’ll do a photodump of those at the end. And if you have met A you know you can not be around water without getting wet. He is a fish and when it is not raining we are at the pool or lake and for the safety of my camera …no way.
Right now we are just struggling with emotions. How to help him. How to love him. Looking for clarity. While enjoying out time together.